Wednesday, August 29, 2012

What was I looking for again?

My exes have left me several scars over the years but the most annoying one is the feeling that no man wants to build with me. This nagging insecurity has me over thinking every stupid date I go on and often leaves me feeling hurt when relationships I didn't even want don't end up working out.

Ridiculous. I know.

Knowing I have this problem, I often have to take a me-day and be like 'Woooah mama, what are you even looking for?' and most of the time I realized I'm making something way too deep out of nothing cause in all honesty, at this point in my life, all I want from a guy is a devoted physical attention, loads of flirting and a whole lot of fun. I rather keep my tears for when I'm actually trying to find a man to build a long lasting relationship with.

In the meantime I'm putting my brain and insecurities on pause so I can enjoy a whole lot of this



If you can't provide the feeling above, you need not apply.
Thank you
-Management

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

BETTER TO FUCK A CUT DICK

"Studies link circumcision with numerous health benefits: the procedure is associated with lower risks of urinary tract infections in babies and young boys, and reductions in men’s risk of contracting HIV, genital herpes and human papillomavirus (HPV); it may also help reduce the odds of penile and prostate cancers. By reducing the burden of sexually transmitted infections among men, it may also help keep more women infection-free as well.

Read full TIME article here.
 

Sunday, August 19, 2012

NAUGHTY NOTHINGS

Since i'm a visual person i decided that my contribution here will mainly be images selected by yours truly. Guaranteed to arouse the prudest peaches, here's the monochromatic thrills. Enjoy!








































Tuesday, August 14, 2012

SOCIAL EXPERIMENT: SPREAD SOME COMPLIMENTS

…..so the other day i came across this image on the internet:




















and i thought OMG WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA! (not my idea, i can't take props for this)
So…i decided to do some myself…and spread some smiles and compliments around…just for the fun of it.
Printed 2000 of them…. and i'll spread them around the cities i go to..
Mine just have a bit more swagg then the original one i must say ;)
Maybe babies will be made because of this…ooouuuuhhhh!!!!
:)

Monday, August 13, 2012

Thursday, August 9, 2012

HOW TIGHT AM I???? WELL....

So my girlfriend told me a tale of how she met a man who said that it's okay for men to sleep around because they don't get "loose and gross" like women. I know. There's so little logic in that statement that steam comes out my chacha.

Anyways, being aware of kegels, my girlfriend and I laughed among ourselves as to what she COULD'VE said to that man. But it had to start with "Bitch please! I'm so tight,..."


Here are a few:

"Bitch please! I'm so tight, I can carry 3 bags of groceries home!"

"Bitch please! I'm so tight, I crack walnuts at Christmas!"

"Bitch please! I'm so tight, I open a 6er in one shot."

"Bitch please! I'm so tight, I grind my own coffee."

"Bitch please! I'm so tight, I once threw the first pitch at a major league baseball game!"

And so on....

Think of your own and write one for us!


Wednesday, August 8, 2012

BUSTED

Today I was at work and in a boardroom meeting when all of a sudden, my brain says "UH OH!". You guessed it. Period. It wasn't one of them "spottings" or something. It was a full force menstrual tsunami.  If you were quick enough to catch it, the look on my face went from mild boredom to OMFGWHATDOIDO? I quickly excused myself and walk-ran to the bathroom.

I looked down. I had a longer shirt. It was about 3-5 inches long. "UGH." I exclaimed. And our sinks are right beside the door! Do I risk taking off my pants knowing someone could walk in?

I decide to pump some handsoap AND SCRUB LIKE ITS GOING OUTTA STYLE!!!!
I'm getting more aggressive. They are my good shorts. I scrub and scrub and scrub. "UGH! GET OFF!" scrub scrub scrub "GET OFF DAMN YOU!"

*door swings open to me almost violently rubbing away at my crotch and yelling*


"You're lucky it's me." said my co-worker.

DON'T TEXT WHILE ON YOUR PERIOD

Everybody knows about drunk-texting.
But there is such a thing actually worst than drunk texting: period-texting.

Fuck, it's the 3rd time i do it and EVERY time i do: i fucking regret it the second i press send.
WTF, these hormones are fucking with my swagg…and the worst is that you can't really justify it.

A drunk-text usually occurs between 1am and 5am…so it's easily explained: "Yo i'm so sorry, i got trashed last night..you know, vodka talking" or even the not-so-convincing "My girl took my phone she was drunk you know…"
But the random 2pm long-ass-text that basically makes you look crazy and desperate? "Yeah…sorry, i have my periods and so these hormones they really fuck me up i'm not really crazy like that, didn't mean it that way…"

NO. FUCK THAT SHIT.
I am gonna impose to myself this rule:
NO TEXTING A GUY I LIKE OR AN EX WHILE ON MY PERIOD.
Period.