Thursday, May 31, 2012

SAME SAME BUT DIFFERENT

I love how "equal" men and women have become when it comes to sexy pictures.
It is not an area only reserved to girls anymore… dudes take and send sexy pics too.
I personally have quite a few abs, backs and hard cocks in my phone… and i would have many more if i hadn't had to delete a bunch thanx to my girl's kids always going though my phone.(i deleted them so they  wouldn't see them) Oh well, the good old memory will do i guess.

Thing is, i find them very arousing when the guy is not only hot, but you actually lust him.

But it gets soooooo embarrassing when you do not like the guy.

I wonder if it grosses guys out as well when a girl they don't care for sends them sexy pictures….
My guess is no.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

TO MARRY OR NOT TO MARRY

"Don't marry a man unless you would be proud to have a son just like him."


-Unknown

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

THE SILENT ONE

So i just met a man that comes in total silence…… So.Weird.
Kinda made me feel like an opera singer...

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

BARBIE'S TWISTED LITTLE WORLD...

Meet Mariel Clayton. A ontarian artist that uses photography and Barbie dolls to scream her disgust of the "perfect (boring) life" these dolls try to show the World though our little girls.


To the question "Why Barbie?" She naturally replies:

Because I hate Barbie. I intensely dislike the stereotype that the “ideal” female fits no current authentic female form. You can’t get to be Barbie without an ocean’s worth of peroxide, 27 plastic surgeries and a complete lack of intelligence, so it irritates me immensely that this is the toy of choice women give to their daughters to emulate.
At least with boys’ toys like GI Joe and Action Man, these were characters that had personality, depth and purpose, worthy of real imaginative storytelling. Barbie has nothing except clothes and “being a girl,” but what is being a girl? Being a vapid shell with tits up to your ears? Playing in your kitchen or changing outfits for the umpteenth time so “Ken” will think you’re pretty?

Most of her images are pretty violent (and funny somehow) but i chose the ones that depics our B.Girl as a slutty sexy doll.









Monday, May 21, 2012

I DON'T HAVE A CAR

and i have this hot man who could totally take care of me right now but i can't get there......
I'm so horny right now it's not even fucking funny...

Sunday, May 20, 2012

LIPS VS LIPS

My dear men. I know we have lips up there and down there, but they really need to be taken care of differently.
Now most guys i met know that and usually have a forte in one or anorher but are pretty good at both... But i must admit i don't really like when i guy is too soft and delicate for too long. Up or donw there. Getting passionate at what it is sexy.
Now i have met the ultimate weirdo: amazing, AMAZING at licking, sucking, kissing my pussy but when it came to kissing my lips ( yes, he went down before we kissed... It was kinda sexy) he started going at it like it was my pussy...... YUCK!
PLEASE DON'T SHUV YOUR GIANT HARD TONGUE INTO MY MOUTH.
No cunni on my face, thanks.
Kissing is a different, softer technic.
Did you skip high school?

Friday, May 18, 2012

SOMETHING IN THE WAY SHE MOVES

I must admit that i walk different when i pass by a man i want to attract the attention of….because i know that a walk that gently swings and a butt that sweetly bouces is beautiful… like a thousands hellos...

Thursday, May 17, 2012

HORNDOG BLUES

You know what's awesome? Getting laid.
You know what sucks? The time in between getting laid.
Is it just me or is there this 2-3 week threshold of time where, if you're not getting laid regularly, you are almost MURDEROUS to get cock. It's crazy. It's like hormones in overdrive. I hate it. I feel like a 16 yr old boy.

One time, well into a two week spiral of no-sex, I was getting rung up at the grocery store cash register:

"Would you like a bag?"
"Boy, would I!!!.................I mean yes please."

And if there is a God, I'm quite sure he hates women because he turns me into a ravenous pervert every time I'm on my period! I don't want my next lay to look like a crime scene!!!

Oh, woe is me.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

PATIENCE

Since my last horrible experience with "Mr Rogers no good mutha sucka" back in December, I decided to wait and get to know a dude a little better and fool around to see if he's not a SELFISH LUVAH! And I must say im holding on longer then I ever thought I could… and I am so happy I did because it's unfolding nicely...he better wait for this sweet ASS!
Patience is a virtue... you want to make sure every time he thinks about you he melts in his pants.

GOOD KISSER

IF he can't kiss chances are.....you gonna waste your time and hate the experience. IF he's a GOOD KISSER....oh the possibilities!

Friday, May 11, 2012

THE VIBRATIONAL WOES OF SEXLESS EXISTENCE.


When I began a long-distance relationship that literally spanned the United States, I wasn't sure what to expect.  I've done long-distance before.  It never worked.  In my past geographically challenged relationships, lack of sex was the least of my problems and worries, which were more likely to include getting "cut off" by wannabe Wall Street bankers, constant intoxication by both parties, excessive psychedelic drug use by me (not sure this was actually a problem), midnight panic attacks, and secret crushes on boys who were really into the theatre.  When you start falling for guys who shave their chests you know shit's not working out for you.  I was always dealing with a bunch of moving parts that never quite ended up meeting up, moving parts being my vagina and a bunch of penises that just never seemed to stiff up and get the fuck into it.  

That said, when my boyfriend moved to California and I moved to Virginia, opposites in so many ways, I didn't consider the void of sexless existence I was facing.  It hit me hard and all at once, cruelly:  lack of penetration turns me into the stereotype of a 37 year old single woman.  It started to dawn on me on the night Liz Lemon and I chose the exact same Friday night plans.  There's a great episode of 30 Rock where she turns down a bunch of really appealing, exciting plans to go home and eat a meatball sub with extra bread.  The reason I saw the episode is that I'd turned down a bunch of wild-night plans so I could sit on my couch and eat every last bite of the greasy delivery Thai food I'd ordered for myself.  You can eat it all when nobody's watching…or looking at you naked.  The next red flag took place in one of Richmond's outdoor malls when I was inexplicably drawn to a section of pant suits.  I, horrified, walked toward the polyester suits as if drug by an unstoppable force, knowing that what was happening was unnatural at best, the death of my sexuality at worst.  As I fingered the starchy material, I felt my youthful pussy dry up to the consistency of those barren fibers, and I realized I didn't remember what sex felt like.  "Is this how you feel, Hillary?", I thought.  "Dressed in manly-ass pleated pants, never again to have sex with your white-haired cigar wielding partner?"  I swear to God I felt my hymen repair itself right then and there in the ladies' business suit section of Macy's, and I shed a tear, not for my lost sense of innocence, but for the loss of my status as a raging slut.

Something had to be done.

After a tangle with a bout of Asian fetish porn and my electric toothbrush, which left me with an ominous sense of shame for days, I began to comb through the plentiful sex toys lurking on the internet.  The only problem was that none of the toys I found were "my boyfriend's great cock", and that's all I really want to come home to.  What comes the closest?  What gets me the closest to coming?  I don't want some big wobbly veiny fake penis, and the Rabbit was featured on Sex and the City for god's sake.  Carrie Bradshaw doesn't have a real job, apartment, or vagina.  What's a girl to do?  I need a break-through for this new and unwelcome quarter-life-crisis hymen.  I need to have a decent orgasm without the help of something I'll be putting in my mouth moments later (oh shit, that just turned me on).  I need to return these godawful pant suits.  I need some goddamn help, so GIVE IT TO ME.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

TURNING OFF MEN

I found the off-switch on men. It's in the back of their heads.

You have to use a bat to activate it.

Monday, May 7, 2012

THE HAT THAT MADE YOU GAY

Of all the many things I do not understand about this universe, it is the straight North American man's fear of fashion that truly makes me scratch my pretty head.

In my time, I've styled a few straight men and a common concern comes up that I barely see in Europe. Men who are afraid to wear so much as colour because they will be labeled homosexual. Do any of these dudes actually take a step back to hear the lack of logic spewing out their mouths? I didn't realize colour made you gay, or material, or that adorable bow tie you want to sport, but don't have the cojones to.

Nothing can truly make you gay when you wear it (scientists are still researching the cause and effect of a full-valour jumpsuit.). You either are or you aren't. There's no fashionable fabric that once woven together, has the ultimate power to change your genetic one.

The result of this mentality can be disheartening. I look around and see too many sloppy-ass motherfuckers that don't even try to look attractive. Even a blind man could tell you that high-waisted jeans don't go with...well anything. And that pizza stain on your Sears shorts does not bring out your eyes. Why the hell am I bothering to look attractive before I leave if you don't put in 1% of effort? Oh boohoo! It's so hard to coordinate an outfit ONE DAY. BITCH PLEASE! I've been trying to coordinate since I was 12 and this shit ain't easy, but I try. I went through a neon spandex phase, but it was a phase! And after years of therapy, it's finally over. The point is, Id rather TRY than leave my house looking like a repeatedly-runover-by-a-truck-Weird Al Yankovic. Do you want me to go a week without plucking???? DO YOU??!?!?!?! I don't think you do.

Gentlemen, colour, fabric, style, fashion....they're all your friend. You need to deal with your issues and stop making the rest of us straight ladies suffer.

Whenever I hear a dude say "Fashion is lame." or "I don't have time for all that stupid shit."

I hear this: "No thanks, I'm comfortable getting a lot less pussy."

It's a shitty answer.
Get over yourselves, Gentlemen, and dress to impress me.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Thursday, May 3, 2012

OLD PERVS

You know what's awesome? Getting a compliment or starting a conversation with a total stranger.

You know what's NOT SO AWESOME? When its an old pervy man that does it. You know him. He's the same dude who you figure hasn't showered since The Star Wars Prequel and whose erection looks like a caterpillar hiding in corduroys.

What's up with those old men anyways? Not to toot my own horn, but I think of myself as being in the prime of my life. I am at least somewhat attractive, funny, confident, young, talented and smart.

Then along comes Oldy McLowhangers - licking his lips and thinking of all the ways he can get into my sweet, sweet fleshcave.

Most women show repulsion. Others simply ignore them, remaining uncomfy the entire time. I, personally, think we should give it right back.

Try pointing with one hand at them, while putting the other hand behind your head. Then thrust aggressively.

Or simply say aloud "MAN, I gotta take a hot dump!"

Then again, that last one may arouse them, so never mind. Still though, try and be creative. Men don't have to seem so creepy if you play the creep, and you don't have to be a victim. Simply victimize the perpetrator. Do something completely unexpected and flip the roles. It's a great way to remove someone's power, dignity and over-inflated sense of self-esteem without inflicting any bodily harm. Of course, if he tries to touch you, kick him in the nuts. They should be located somewhere around his feet.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

BLONDS AND FINGERS

Here is a brand new (swedish) movie on Sex. Teenage GIRL sex. Done by a woman. It's nice to have another point of view than the young stupid horny teenage BOY for a change. Young horny teenage girls.