Thursday, May 3, 2012

OLD PERVS

You know what's awesome? Getting a compliment or starting a conversation with a total stranger.

You know what's NOT SO AWESOME? When its an old pervy man that does it. You know him. He's the same dude who you figure hasn't showered since The Star Wars Prequel and whose erection looks like a caterpillar hiding in corduroys.

What's up with those old men anyways? Not to toot my own horn, but I think of myself as being in the prime of my life. I am at least somewhat attractive, funny, confident, young, talented and smart.

Then along comes Oldy McLowhangers - licking his lips and thinking of all the ways he can get into my sweet, sweet fleshcave.

Most women show repulsion. Others simply ignore them, remaining uncomfy the entire time. I, personally, think we should give it right back.

Try pointing with one hand at them, while putting the other hand behind your head. Then thrust aggressively.

Or simply say aloud "MAN, I gotta take a hot dump!"

Then again, that last one may arouse them, so never mind. Still though, try and be creative. Men don't have to seem so creepy if you play the creep, and you don't have to be a victim. Simply victimize the perpetrator. Do something completely unexpected and flip the roles. It's a great way to remove someone's power, dignity and over-inflated sense of self-esteem without inflicting any bodily harm. Of course, if he tries to touch you, kick him in the nuts. They should be located somewhere around his feet.