Monday, April 28, 2014


I’m kind of over the power of the female sex. Hold on a second, don’t get me wrong, I love being a woman and I embrace my femininity in whatever way you want to interpret that statement. What’s got me in a tizzy is that some men believe they have an innate right to women. As if our sheer existence is an open invitation to their off-put and unwelcome advances in the form of stares, catcalls, and creepy whispers.  They expect that in the face of such advances, we should throw open our arms and legs and welcome them in with glee. This “Me Tarzan, You Jane” mentality creates a particular condition in a man. It blinds him from seeing my uninterested and subdued facial expression and deafens him to my weary and insipid voice. As the condition persists, aka the guy can’t take a hint, I’m compelled to administer the anecdote, unapologetic rejection.  Outcomes and side effects include: the harassment stops (yay!), it persists (“Just give me a chance!”), or he retaliates (“Bitch!”).  Let’s cut to the example.

Recently, I was walking to a friend’s house when I heard a man call out, “Paula! Paula!” Since there were only two of us on the street, his bellowing was clearly directed at me.  Being that my name is actually Pamela and that he sounded a tad too enthusiastic, I chose to ignore him.  I slowed down to avoid catching up with him (Hint #1), but alas, his one-track mind didn’t pick up on this cue, he also slowed down.  It turned out to be a man who bags groceries at my local store, who my unwise, overly polite mid-western self, had once spoken to and given my name (my actual name, not Paula).  He immediately launched into a shower of compliments that I barely acknowledged so as to not lead him on (Hint #2). He asked if we could see each other some time, I replied flatly, “No” (Hint #3…actually not even a hint at this point, Direct Statement #1).  I finally arrived at my friend’s house and turned off the road.  He called out one last hopeful time, “I think about you often Paula,” grinning, waiting for the positive reinforcement he felt he was owed. “I think about you never,” I replied, and walked away.

Despite the rumors, we aren’t made of sugar and spice and everything nice, nor do we aim to be.  I would love to treat people with my default friendly approach but it never seems to end there. When that’s the case, I reserve the right to turn someone down, as politely or crassly as I think is appropriate without being labeled a bitch, rude or having to hear “can’t blame a guy for trying." Actually yes, yes I can blame a guy for trying, when trying turns into pestering and harassing, blame can be assigned. So I would just like to ask for a reality check for those men out there who think women owe them something, or that we should celebrate the attention they pay us. When you approach me, don’t expect that I’ll be receptive, when you honk at me, expect a finger not a wave, when you tell me on the street to “smile,” expect nothing less than a grimace and an eye-roll. I don’t owe you anything.

 Art by Barry Deutsch

Images viewed by author on

Monday, April 21, 2014


1938 expert dating advices. So wrong yet kinda funny.
Plus i think a lot of women and men will strongly disagree with the "Don't drink too much" one. For either good or bad reasons.



My men, i'm about to give you a very good piece of advice. And by good, i really mean GREAT.

Here it is: 
Don't lie to us. Ever. Because we will eventually find out. Or we already know.
Ya. Sorry.

Funny thing is that your excuse it ALWAYS the same: "she didn't need to know."

First off: that's insulting and patronizing.
Who the fuck are you to "curate" what we "need" and what we "don't need" to know?? Newsflash: we've lived in the same world/reality as you do, before meeting you and we have survived. I know: amazing.

Secondly, this "thing" she doesn't "need" to know usually involves an old "fling/hook-up/un-official-relationship with another lady.
Now here is where i get annoyed: it has happened a few times when an "ex"(fling/lover) has "informed me" that "she doesn't need to know about our past, even though it is the PAST because "she wouldn't be able to deal with it". Gosh, your girl is not a 4 year old child, what kind of trust/respect do you have for her? Plus, a girl can always sense these things, a weird lie, an old complicity and even if she is not sure of anything, she will then become a bit uncomfortable with it. And of course, you will interpret it as you being right about hiding it, but the truth is, it is the HIDING that CAUSES the problem, not the old fling.
(Also, you then have unilaterally decided this was now a secret, and i am FORCED to lie to this girl that might be my friend. I hate that. Plus you are making it seem like there is something to hide by making it a secret when there is nothing to hide, because it doesn't mean anything anymore. SMH.)

Now one situation that has probably happen to 90% of you is the following:

Your current GF one day "casually" asks about one of your old girls.
Either she has just briefly met her, or just heard one of your buddies mention her in a non important causal-talk story.

It will go something like this:
She will say this with a normal face and a "detached" voice: "Hey, isn't this the girl you used to hang out with back in "..."?

Don't be fooled, she knows EXACTLY that this IS the girl you used to hang out with.

You will then, thinking you are such a good/honest man by saying: "Yes, we used to a very long time ago."
She will then, very casually reply, almost with a hint of a smile and carelessness:
" guys used to sleep together right?"

This is where all you men transform yourselves into straight-up MORONS.

You will then do this retarded calculation of:
- TELLING THE TRUTH, and then maybe facing an hour or two of cold-shoulder/detailed questions, (created by the fact that all girls have to physically digest the idea of our men sleeping and kissing another girl, even in the past)
- LYING and having a good evening. (in your very naïve heads)

See, the first option is a little more annoying at first, we'll give you that. But after these 2 hours, all will be ok and back to normal. Seriously.

Now here is what will happen next:
You will of course choose the second option. The Option of the Champion as i like to call it.

You: "No, never, she's just a friend."
Her: "Really? Never? not even once?" (your last chance to tell the truth)
You: "No."
Her: " Funny 'cause i found "XYZ" in your phone/Facebook/heard-from-a-friend, while i was on your computer doing my emails."

You have to understand that she KNEW the answer BEFORE she even asked you. What she did was she wanted to know if your were going to tell her the truth. Which you, of course, didn't.

And then, you will:
- either get mad at the fact that she found it (reversing the situation and the problem on her. You are right to get mad if she did sneak into your things, but it is very easy to find these things out WITHOUT going through your man's things, FYI)
- or try to JUSTIFY your lie.
This is both pathetic and insulting. Just say you were wrong to lie and DON'T justify it. The more you try to justify yourself, the less she will EVER trust you again. Because the "justifying why i lied" really just sounds like "i'm not sorry, i' just sorry i was caught".

Keep it nice and SHORT. You lied, you were wrong.

Congratulations: you have now broken the sacred link of "trust" in a couple. The ingredient that keeps your relationship solid and drama-proof.

Because we girls think in a simple way: if you can lie to our face once, you can lie anytime.
So then EVERYTHING can become questionable. And the more insecure a girl is, the more drama you will then face.
And this is not just Hell on Earth for you: it is for the girl as well.

You need to understand:
Girls are natural detectives (most of us are). We like to know about the girls before. Just to have an idea, and sometimes to (in a very stupid/insecure way) compare ourselves to the exes. We KNOW who they are, and most of the time, we know their Instagram, their BFFs' Instagram and their Facebook because we have checked it all at least once.

So please, for your sake and our sake: don't lie to us.

PS: i am not advocating these situations in any means. I personally don't do this as i believe these situations are immature and unnecessary. I believe truth, straight forward asking and answering is the best solution in every situation. I understand that my man has a past, as i have a past. That the present and potential common future is all that matters. But we all either been in it or heard it happen. And the truth is that i'm pretty sure i'm right about this in 90% of cases. So take this post as it stands to be: a heads-up if you find yourself in this situation. Not a justification or argumentation.

Thursday, April 17, 2014


Sometimes, you see a beautiful and powerful video months after it went online. Like this one. Still worth sharing. It is part of a great project called 1 Billion Rising. Because one Billion women will face sexual violence in their lifetime. Ya. So fucked up.

ONE BILLION RISING FOR JUSTICE is a global call to women survivors of violence and those who love them to gather safely in community outside places where they are entitled to justice – courthouses, police stations, government offices, school administration buildings, work places, sites of environmental injustice, military courts, embassies, places of worship, homes, or simply public gathering places where women deserve to feel safe but too often do not. It is a call to survivors to break the silence and release their stories – politically, spiritually, outrageously – through art, dance, marches, ritual, song, spoken word, testimonies and whatever way feels right.

They have organized mass dancing events in Afghanistan, Australia, Democratic Republic Of Congo, Haiti, Hong Kong, India, Iraq, Soudan, Kenya, Nepal ,Pakistan, Peru, Philippines, South Africa, Swaziland, United Kingdom, USA..

You can see all their work on their Youtube Channel.


MissMe is having some new stickers done....

Sunday, April 13, 2014


After Instagram censoring me, now comes Facebook for posting a link to this exact post. WTF. Ridiculous. So you can have pages promoting violence and hate on Facebook, that DON'T violate their beloved sensibility but a WOMAN'S NIPPLE !!??????? NOOOOOOOO.
I'm infuriated.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014


Oh Instagram..... you are like a stuck-up annoying stingy and fakely righteous lady that enjoys imposing her very simplistic opinions on others.
I understand you have certain rules you must enforce, in order to keep your App "decent" but there are a few obvious things that you seem to be to dumb or to blind to see.
Instagram has become a platform of many things, self-promotion being the biggest. But some people take it waaaay too seriously, as they spend indecent amount of time/energy on making the others "like"what they have decided they "are".
A lot of instagram soft porn results of this because too many girls only see "power"/"meaning" in over sexualizing themselves. A lot of them do it in a slightly hypocritical way ... taking closeups of their cheeks in wedgy-worn-see-through leggings with a ridiculous "inspirational quote under it to make it "decent" and "ok". So many sticking-their-asses-out with half-open-mouthes, or just the classic selfie with the "i'd-totally-suck-your-dick-if-you-were-here attitude , quickly followed but a picture of a cute puppy with a stupid cupcake.
And i'm not even going to talk about the new self taught "photographers" that just post images of young girls acting like sluts convinced that because the "photographer" has 15K followers, he must be "legit" and this is "art".
Any way, you get my point.

None of these extremely vulgar images are censored.
And i am not saying they should be, (as maybe just a few really cross the line of indecency in my opinion.) But if you are going to censore things, please try to make a little sense when you do.

What i am saying is if you leave these types of images on your platform, do not censored the way more artistic ones because you think you saw a hint of a nipple. (remember the time Facebook censored the image of Courbet's L'Origine du Monde?) Are we really still stuck at this definition of "nakedness"?? I had already written about this back in 2011 on this blog.

If you are worried about the "moral" and the next generations well know that you are teaching them everything that is wrong by not explaining the IMPORTANT difference between nudity and vulgarity. Sex and Porn. That the intention make for a lot of an image, and if the intention is dirty, chances are the image will be, even if you can't see any fucking nipple.

So for the sake of me and of Art, here is the censored image.à

Vandal. #feminism #power #missmeart

Tuesday, April 8, 2014


Another great video about every day sexism by a journalist of The Guardian.
Watch her do to men, what we all live everyday.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Capture me Naked

Since I was young, I've always really loved erotic images. I remember that in my early teen years I would get so aroused by the erotic comics I would encounter and as a one of the first girls in my class to have a C cup, I found myself identifying with these busty characters and wanting to emulate their sensuality. I still have a particular love for erotic comics but recently my love for images has shifted towards photography. There's something about seeing someone else indulge in the beauty of their body that reminds you that you have permission to do so as well. However as a member of a visible minority sometimes I find myself craving images of bodies I can relate to. I crave to see hair that curls like mines, breast as full as mine and skin as dark as mine. It's not that I haven't found any black erotica online, it's that a grand majority of the black erotica I find is degrading and crass, at least in my opinion. That issue of misrepresentation has been lingering in my head for a while but now that I'm in a loving relationship with a black man it bugs me even more. The beautiful, sensual and loving black couple that my man and I are is virtually unrepresented in the erotic scene I follow and its left me with a want to capture what we have and eternalize it.

When I mentioned this idea to him, he agreed with his suggestively sly smile that makes me know that this is going to be a sexy photo shoot I won't forget but I have to admit that as soon as he agreed all these worries came rushing into my mind. Where are we going to it? Should I rent a lighting kit? Clothes on or off? Will we be posting any of these online? How good do I really look naked?! I didn't really think about it when I suggested the idea but bringing a camera into our intimacy gives us a chance to explore ourselves from a third perspective which is both thrilling and terrifying. We plan to embark on this adventure very soon so I thought I'd come to you guys to see if anyone has personal experiences with at home erotic photography they wanna share and maybe a few helpful tips. In the meantime I've been checking out Tumblr for some inspiration shots that y'all might like.


Just like old folks know when it's going to rain because of the pain in their bones, i know spring is reeeeeal close, as my thoughts are going crazy. I'm so obsessed with sex that i've started to look at men i usually don't care about in a huuum hummmm way.
Pathetic how hormones  can make you lower your standards. 
And draw on your fingers.