The Rules Of A Fuck Buddy
What exactly defines a fuck buddy? I’d call it someone that you only ever see with the intention of sleeping with. You don’t hang out outside of the bedroom and you don’t call each other up the next day to say you had a good time, unless you’re calling for another session. It’s not a friends-with-benefits situation, it’s somebody that you have in your life purely to satisfy your sexual needs.
I’m the kind of person whose current ideal relationship is that of a fuck buddy. I can’t really stay in a stable relationship but I have a very healthy sex drive and I have no problem holding onto someone’s number knowing that I can call them up whenever I want for some good old fashioned fucking. I’m not really into one-night-stands (or at least not frequently) because I like to know for certain that the person I’m sleeping with is not a lunatic.
But is there more to a fuck buddy than the desire to have sex with each other? It sounds simple and too good to be true and the truth is, it can be sometimes, although it shouldn’t have to be. But it can be a tricky situation if it’s not done right. Everybody has their own set of rules and opinions so I thought I would share some things that have worked for me and open up the floor to other people’s suggestions. Feel free to ask one another to explain why they have a certain rule and of course you are entitled to disagree with them.
It’s not like I’m an expert in the field, far from it, but having had numerous fuck buddies over the years, with a wide variety of ages, I have put together my own set of simple rules which I live by when entering and trying to maintain a purely sexual relationship with another person.
So here they are:
- Both parties must have respect for each other; it’s that simple. No respect, no sex.
- Both parties must understand the situation. You both need to know that what you have is purely physical and nothing more will ever develop out of it. If you aren’t sure or feel the other person may not be certain about the situation then you must ask or explain the circumstances.
- There should be a mutual physical/sexual chemistry or attraction to one another. If you can’t bear to look at the person sober or they’re not wild enough for you in bed then there is no point in continuing a relationship based on sex with them.
- You must both be able to communicate what you want, when you want it, and how you want it. Remember, you are both spending time together in order to get what you want, which is satisfaction. If they aren’t sure or aren’t doing something the way you like it, then tell them how it’s done before giving up completely.
- You should have few or no mutual friends. This one is very important to me. It can become a very sticky situation if you know a lot of the same people and may have to be careful in making sure that nothing is revealed to them. You shouldn’t have to worry about being found out. It’s okay to have mutual friends in a friends-with-benefits situation, but not with a fuck buddy.
- Only call/text/email/message/whatever with the intention of fucking or arranging your next fuck. They need to understand that that is all there is between the two of you and that there’s nothing more to say.
- This leads me to my next rule, which is: share little about your life or day except the basics. Sure, you can make some small talk asking how their day was, finding out what they do for a living or whatever, but don’t go on a rant about what a bad day you had at work, how your friend is getting married soon, blah blah blah. You are there to have sex, not to find a confidante or establish an emotional connection.
- This next rule is not set in stone by any means but I find it is best if you see each other no more than once every other week. Seeing each other any more than that tends to lead to one person developing feelings for the other or the sex becoming less exciting. Although there have been a couple of occasions where it has worked seeing somebody once or twice a week, it has never lasted for very long.
- NEVER under any circumstances should you spend the night at their place or let them sleepover. I don’t care how tired you/they are or how drunk, call yourself (or them) a cab and get out of there. Once the sex is over, their purpose has been met and there is no need for them to stick around. Why would you want to experience the morning after with your fuck buddy whom I’ve already said you shouldn’t be sharing much personal information with? If you want morning-after sex then tell them you’ll call in the morning and kick them out.
- Always use birth control. Ladies, you better be on the pill or some other form of it. And if you aren’t exclusively fucking each other (that is, you haven’t agreed that you won’t fuck anybody else) then you should be using condoms too. Why risking getting an STD from whomever else they may or may not be sleeping with?
- Play out your fantasies and try new things! With a fuck buddy, you don’t have to worry about what they think or how they may react to your strange requests. If they don’t want to try something out then either deal with it or try with someone else. The point of a fuck buddy is satisfaction, so don’t be afraid to get creative!
- Another rule, which not everyone may agree with, is to not discuss anything about your fuck buddy and your escapades with your friends. Personally, I feel that a fuck buddy is a private thing and they should only be thought about when you desire sex, not while you are having coffee with your friends discussing their boyfriends or girlfriends. Although I think it is okay to share a bit of a really juicy or extremely gratifying night once in awhile!
- Finally, one of the most important yet often ignored rules: once someone develops feelings for the other or another person, STOP! If you don’t end it quickly, things will get very complicated and messy, I guarantee it.
So that’s all I’ve got for now! Please do add onto this list and feel free to discuss any of the ones I’ve put up so far. If you need any further explanation, go ahead and ask! Remember, these are just my opinions, but they have always worked in my situations.
Oh and one more thing – what do you think about having daytime sex with your fuck buddy? It’s something I’ve never done before but my schedule over the next couple of weeks may call for just that and I’m not sure if it’s entirely appropriate or not. I can’t see myself going without sex for that amount of time though so I’ll just have to hope things work out! I don’t see why they shouldn’t though as long as the other rules are still followed…
Also, how do you dispose of your fuck buddies? Do you just stop calling or do you tell them the truth, whatever it may be? Or maybe you lie and say you’ve fallen hard for someone else and are starting up a real relationship with them? I’ve never had a messy disposal, usually it has involved one of the parties moving away or a mutual falling out, but I would love to hear how some of you have gotten yourselves out of the situation.
lol @ this thread.
To the OP: Clearly you've thought this through very thoroughly - you truly seem genuinely intelligent, however some things should not be analyzed and broken down into 'rules'
By doing so, and by the list of your rules, you're bound to be extremely disappointed in others over the course of your life.
I personally wouldn't be able to conform to your rules, as I prefer my personality traits of being spontaneous, indulgent, idealistic + much, much more. This means if I get drunk and want to stay in my [imaginary] fuck buddy's bed for the night, and he felt mutually, then so be it. This means if he pops into my mind, and I feel I've got something to say that he'd be happy to hear, I can call or message him. This means if I develop feelings for him, I allow myself the luxury of at least expressing my feelings - and giving myself a chance.
Why have rules when they're completely unnecessary? All rules do is suppress your individuality. They simply tell you how you should act - which at least sometimes, will be diametrically opposed to how you WANT to act. And when you take this into consideration, you're only hurting yourself, and all for nothing!
I can only speak for myself, but if I'm going to get hurt in the dating game - I'm going to get hurt by risking the chance of an increased state of happiness. Not by suffering in silence and self-denial, in the name of a few stupid rules.
Tell me: what purpose do they serve, exactly?
Feel free to restrict yourself... but I'll fly free, baby.