Wednesday, July 16, 2014


So i just discovered that the saying "there are tutorials about everything on Youtube" is true.

Like these.

Blow-job tutorials. And they are se-ri-ous.

The first two videos might look like a joke, but they are not.
Now Angel's techniques are totally porn-style. Not real-life let's-make-love-baby-style.
Like the whole gaging thing, if you are into that: cool, but i find it a BIT much.
Plus, if men start expecting us to gag on their dicks: you men are out of your fucking mind.

But my absolute favorite is the grapefruit one (first video) though.
Just LISTEN to that sound Angel makes while showing you how to suck c**k. Some scaaaaaaary noise i would say!

At the end of the day, suck it like you mean it and ONLY if you feel like it.

It is a present, not a pre-requisit.

Thursday, July 10, 2014


Someone just posted this on the DFB Facebook page.....i read it...and i cried.
Because it felt so awkward... yet so real to me.
Because i was raped.
And i didn't fight back. And i brought him croissants the next week when he came back in town for another concert. Because i wanted to pretend it didn't happen. I wanted to replay the whole scene.
And we did. And it was awful and just as bad and mean. Except this second time, i had said yes.
But it didn't change the reality of the week before. It made it real.
I went into a deep depression the next morning. Because waking up didn't make the reality of the nightmare go away. I had hoped.
But it didn't . It had happened. To me.
And i never told anyone else than my closest friends. Everybody at work just thought i did a burn out. Ha. A burn out.


If there is a spectrum of giving to taking in every relationship and social interaction, I like to think most people are in the middle somewhere. I lean pretty strongly towards giving. I like to make the people around me and the people I love/like/am interested in happy. I want my friends to be successful in their careers and I will do whatever I can to help them out. I want my partner to be satisfied as well and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen.

Lately, I've encountered a lot of takers - people who want something from you, make their desire very clear and bring absolutely nothing to the table. [Aside: Perhaps I'm using this phrase "bring nothing to the table" incorrectly because people have thought I've meant money. This has nothing to do with money. I mean that I believe there are basic things that everyone should expect in social interactions, like, for example...respect or some sort of bare minimum of kindness and the people who bring nothing to the table are always disrespectful or unkind in their social interactions] I don't understand this mentality. I'm particularly confused when men who are courting me display this mentality. So you're saying you want to take me out but you're also telling me that you're an asshole narcissist womanizer who enjoys being unkind to strangers and women he takes out because that gets you more of what you want? Or worse, the man who makes abundantly (and vulgarly) clear that he wants to sleep with you and then tells you about all the things he won't be doing before/during/after sex. I have exactly no time for that. Life is hard. I have a demanding job. There are millions of people in this city alone. And this proposition is completely unattractive. I'd rather spend time with my friends than someone I don't know who acts like this.

I would never, in an early stage conversation with a man I'm interested in, list of all the things I want from him and all the things he would NOT be getting from me. Just...huh? What would be the point of that? Does anyone want to spend time with someone like that?

And I cannot speak on the male perspective when it comes to women who are sexual takers, but let me say, as a woman, sleeping with a man who is all take and NO give is actually the fucking worst. At best, unsatisfying. At worst, painful.

To be clear, I'm not looking for the opposite extreme. I'm advocating for something along the lines of this mentality: I like you, let's make this worth each other's while.

I give. You give. We both leave satisfied. Voila.


A few years ago in an internet search frenzy (you know where you find out about a subject then must search EVERYTHING there is to know about them), I became obsessed with Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir, Iceland's now former prime minister. A rockin' lesbian feminist who seemed to be kicking butts and taking names, she had put in place a series of laws to penalize men who paid for sex. She wanted to shift the blame from women who were selling sex onto men who were buying, presumably because those women were already in a vulnerable and marginalized situation. It seemed that if you lessened the demand, prosecuting men and shaming them for the act, you would decrease the prevalence of sex work and sex trafficking. Through Jina Moore's article, "In Sweden Being A Prostitute Is Legal — But Paying One Isn’t", I came to find out that this is actually referred to as the "Nordic Model" and was adapted from Sweden (whatever I still love Jóhanna and that white-blonde bob and "bitch please" stare).  While I support the general focus on male motivation rather than just female victimization, especially when it comes to more severe sexually based crimes, with sex work this may not necessarily have the desired effect. 

 The article brought up a lot of realizations about the "Nordic Model" and a lot of questions about laws around sex work. Penalizing the buyer doesn't necessarily end sex traffic, it's just another hurdle for distributors to figure out how to overcome. In countries where sex work is legal, sex workers may be better off in terms of their access to health services (Germany's healthy looking sex workers on the streets of Berlin did amaze me) but abuse, drug use, and the question of free will still exist. Also, does the "happy prostitute" exist? A woman who freely elects to sell and profit of her body simply because she wants to. Are laws that ban sex work simply another way of trying to control women's bodies? Is it feminist to be anti-sex work because it's exploitative to women or is it anti-feminist to be in favor of legally restricting sex-work because shouldn't women be able to say what they do with their own bodies?

Check out Jina Moore's article on Buzzfeed:


Girl's gotta have an opinion about everything, especially when it comes to female sexuality. But I don't know what my final verdict is on burlesque.  Let me just say, positive or negative, feminist or the antithesis, I was entranced.

The other night a friend of mine, let's call her "J", invited me to a burlesque show. Her coworker, "N" performs there (they're both elementary school teachers). We had met the year before when she told me about a performance where she starts in a chicken costume and ends up in nipple tassles (I still need to see this). "N" is preggers, so would not be performing. but I still jumped at the chance to go. "N" and her husband picked us up and took us to a fairly nondescript building, where we walked up two nondescript flights of stairs culminating in what looked like a 1920s speakeasy. Low seductive lights revealed a small bar to my right and a stage in front surrounded by a smattering of tables, folding chairs, and Victorian sofas. The walls were covered with nude images, both of the performers and vintage photos of nudes and burlesque dancers, an interesting snapshot of history. We got our overpriced beer and wine (my only complaint) and took our seats right up against the stage. The rest of the crowd started to mill in.

Now let's take a pause here. See I've been to several strip clubs and the crowd there typically consists of groups of "bros" (bachelor party or otherwise) with guys looking for a lap dance and some tits in their face, creepy middle aged men who are regulars and think that their love for the women on the pole is reciprocated, and sad old men with just 100 dollars to their name that will soon be 100 dollars in someone's g-string. The burlesque audience was maybe 20-30 people which consisted of the performers' spouses (we sat with two of the husbands), a bachelorette party, and in general no man there was without a girlfriend/wife or in a gender mixed group of friends.

Back to the performance. This was true vaudeville, comedians intermixed with burlesque performances. The comedy was good though it would have been nice to see a non-white male up there. But the burlesque...I couldn't look away. This was a performance, entertainment, this wasn't a barely clothed woman making her cheeks clap with a depressed look on her face just waiting for it to be over, crawling on her knees to pick up the dollar bills that had found their way to the stage. This was playful, hysterical, flirtatious and alluring. These fuller-figured, plump, and dimpled women were captivating. Elegant long gloves, bustiers, and at one point a stuffed puppy dog, were slowly shed to reveal breasts of all shapes, sizes, and levels of perkiness gleefully spinning tassels that punctuated the end of a dance.

Afterwards the women came to join their husbands at our table . I was still trying to figure out what I thought of it all. Was this exploitative? Was this demeaning? Was this feminist? "N" seemed to feel that it was an exploration of her body and sexuality. She had started off as a student here and just loved it so much that she transitioned into a performer. In general she says that these are often women owned businesses, that the culture of men profiting off of women's bodies that exists with stripping isn't a part of burlesque. These also weren't vulnerable women looking for a means of supporting themselves. She was a teacher, another worked at nearby Trader Joe's, and the owner traveled around the country with her act. These were educated, "average" women with a salacious outlet.

Days later, still wrapping my head around what made burlesque "okay" and stripping "taboo", I went to another educated woman with my questions. A university friend had begun stripping while we were in school. Initially feeling empowered by the experience, things quickly spiraled out of control and she was a victim of sex trafficking. Since then she has become a public speaker on the topic. About the differences between burlesque and stripping she said, "1) men aren't throwing money and women aren't scrambling for dollars and 2) women are on a stage, not throughout the crowd offering lap dances and accepting propositions for sex. It still may have a negative impact on the women's self-image, being seen as sex objects. Or they, may have studied this form of dance and feel like they're just dancing...[it depends on] the level of respect they get from the crowd--whether they're treated like objects or artists."

I'm not sure whether or not the audience treated these women like artists, but all I can say is, what a show!


Monday, July 7, 2014


It is a complete lie to pretend that feminism is a women's problem.

We live in a world where (thank G.) there are men and women. All human issues are the concern of all humans. This, especially considering that most of the oppression done towards women, was historically men's doing.

So the communication needs to be there. And men, need to care and share their thoughts on this.
One man has taken the courageous task of doing just that: communicated honestly on women. (not the corny, sexist way, obviously)

And here is his blog.

Articles from "6 Reasons Why Men Must Give Up Pornography" to the men/women friendship question, to questioning the evolution of what "being a man"means...

This is good. This is appreciated.
Thank you Bryan.



This is a repost from an article by former US Air Force Captain Bryan Reeves.
It's honest and smart.
It talks about men, as men are the principal creators and consumers of porn, but as a woman, i watch porn too. And sometimes everyday. This article really resonated with me. I am not saying i will stop watching porn all-together, but will definitely watch much, much, much less.

So here it is, 5 EXCELLENT reasons why men AND WOMEN should stop watching porn.

In my boyhood teenage days of yore, using pornography required patience, even imagination.

One of my early adventures with porn occurred on weekday afternoons when I got home from middle school. I discovered my step-father’s erotic treasure trove of betamax video tapes with titles like “The Oriental Babysitter” and “Taxi Girls.” I only had a small window to watch them and pleasure myself a dozen or so times (oh, to be a teenager again) before anyone got home.

A few years later my tastes grew more sophisticated when mom started getting Victoria Secret catalogs in the mail. Although I kinda already knew what the big secret was, these glossy catalogs made my imagination work harder at unlocking it each time, and I delighted in that.

Those days of porn patience and teasing my imagination are gone.

At this very moment, I — and most every other man in Western Civilization — have in my hands a little device loaded with the entire known universe of pornographic material ready to stir my lust and blow my loins wide open. I never have to wait for the mail again.

“Enough is Enough” and “CovenantEyes,” two internet safety organizations (one is Catholic-based), offer these sobering statistics:

Every second, 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography.The pornography industry is a $97 billion industry worldwide.Men are 543% more likely to look at porn than females.More than 1 in 5 searches are for pornography on mobile devices.

“If you have the Internet, you have pornography in your home.”
— Jill Manning, Ph.D., Marriage and Family Therapist

As a single man for the last four years, great sexual encounters with women have been a rare luxury. My iPhone, on the other hand, is all too willing to dance for me, undress for me, tease me, lick me, suck me, screw me and all around indulge me, whatever I want, any time I want.

I do not generally have an addictive personality, yet I have at times gone weeks using internet pornography every night to quickly arouse and then satiate myself. There were times I seemed to need it just to fall asleep. I used it so much that it once even gave me repetitive stress injury, messing up my otherwise formidable basketball game.

There’s nothing wrong with masturbation. But modern pornography can be a serious detriment not just to men, but to the women we love, too.

Here are 5 reasons why I believe men must give up consistent use of pornography for personal stimulation:

1) Porn can ruin our erections with actual women.

After I had been using porn moderately for about a year, I began to notice that I couldn’t sustain erections with women as long as I once could. I was horny as ever, but without the constantly changing visual erotic stimulation that watching video after video offered, one woman’s body couldn’t hold my erotic focus as effectively as it used to. To my frustrated surprise, real sex had become somewhat under-stimulating. Tragic. Since I gave up porn, even morning wood has made its return like an exotic tree rescued from the brink of extinction.

2) Porn can train our bodies to premature ejaculation.

I never had a problem with quick climax before I consistently used porn. I could always match, if not outlast, my female sexual partners, with or without a condom, with solid erections.

With porn, I could watch a short video and within minutes have myself rocketing towards climax. But I’d stop myself before I went too far, because I always wanted to see what different erotic adventure awaited me in the next video, just a click away. I would do this for an hour, rapidly rising in mindless bliss with every new short video, stopping myself at the edge each time. Eventually I’d realize how much time had gone by and I’d choose the best video I’d seen and let it throw me over the edge.

I was tuning my body to quickly rise and climax. I can immediately stop moving my own hand when I masturbate. A real woman’s aroused body doesn’t stop moving so fast. It’s like trying to slam on the brakes of a speed boat in deep water. I often couldn’t handle her enthusiasm, and I started getting really concerned.

Thankfully, quitting porn has allowed my body’s nervous system to re-tune itself to a less-hurried sexual pace and rhythm.

3) It’s such a waste of time.

Watching porn is a stupid use of our precious time on Planet Earth.

4) It creates unrealistic expectations of women.

Porn just makes us think women should be easier to get into bed. It makes us think we might get laid more if we were more bold or clever, or simply more aggressive.

Women in porn videos are always willing to let a man (or men) aggressively open them up and do whatever they want. They’ll take the money shot right in the face, on their knees beneath a cock and a camera, as if to fully underscore their willingness to be conquered and owned by a man, and for all the world to see.

In my experience, actual women don’t react to calculating male aggression by opening their legs. Even if some do it doesn’t mean it’s a direct link to creating an authentic intimate relationship. It just creates two bodies slapping into each other.

Women are lusty, sexual creatures, for sure. Just like us. But when men are ready to relate to women in deeper ways, ways that include sexuality and also transcend it, porn is an awful study. The wondrous feminine mystique of a woman, the mystique us men so desperately crave to experience, is only made available to the men who learn how to cherish a woman in her fullness. That doesn’t happen anywhere in porn.

5) When we watch porn, we may be supporting human trafficking, slavery, rape, and blackmail of women all over the world.

Despite my tame tastes, I unwittingly saw videos on the average free porn site that disturbed me.

I almost surely watched men manipulate, even outright blackmail, women into otherwise unwanted sex in fake taxi cabs, fake doctor’s offices, fake casting sets, and more. The camera never showed the man’s face, always only the woman’s.

I’ve discovered countless examples of criminal cases worldwide where people, mostly men, have been arrested and prosecuted for creating pornography with women they trafficked from other countries; women who were enslaved in buildings they couldn’t leave; women kept in place by physical violence; women threatened with exposure to their families; and more. I know now that I must have watched videos where women did sex acts they were forced to do. And my tastes in porn were downright tame.

I’m still tempted to watch porn sometimes. Even as I write this, my iPhone sits quietly beside me, able in a matter of seconds to unleash a marauding army of sexy “Oriental Babysitters” straight into my lizard brain. But clearly nothing good ever comes from that, so to speak.

Men, we’ve got to stop using porn. I know it’s a quick fix. I know some couples even use it to spice up an otherwise fading sex life.

But let’s find other ways. Let’s get creative. Porn is easy; it’s low-hanging fruit. It’s beneath our brilliance. And it’s not just hurting us; it’s hurting women.

(reposted with Bryan Reevess permission)