Monday, April 21, 2014


My men, i'm about to give you a very good piece of advice. And by good, i really mean GREAT.

Here it is: 
Don't lie to us. Ever. Because we will eventually find out. Or we already know.
Ya. Sorry.

Funny thing is that your excuse it ALWAYS the same: "she didn't need to know."

First off: that's insulting and patronizing.
Who the fuck are you to "curate" what we "need" and what we "don't need" to know?? Newsflash: we've lived in the same world/reality as you do, before meeting you and we have survived. I know: amazing.

Secondly, this "thing" she doesn't "need" to know usually involves an old "fling/hook-up/un-official-relationship with another lady.
Now here is where i get annoyed: it has happened a few times when an "ex"(fling/lover) has "informed me" that "she doesn't need to know about our past, even though it is the PAST because "she wouldn't be able to deal with it". Gosh, your girl is not a 4 year old child, what kind of trust/respect do you have for her? Plus, a girl can always sense these things, a weird lie, an old complicity and even if she is not sure of anything, she will then become a bit uncomfortable with it. And of course, you will interpret it as you being right about hiding it, but the truth is, it is the HIDING that CAUSES the problem, not the old fling.
(Also, you then have unilaterally decided this was now a secret, and i am FORCED to lie to this girl that might be my friend. I hate that. Plus you are making it seem like there is something to hide by making it a secret when there is nothing to hide, because it doesn't mean anything anymore. SMH.)

Now one situation that has probably happen to 90% of you is the following:

Your current GF one day "casually" asks about one of your old girls.
Either she has just briefly met her, or just heard one of your buddies mention her in a non important causal-talk story.

It will go something like this:
She will say this with a normal face and a "detached" voice: "Hey, isn't this the girl you used to hang out with back in "..."?

Don't be fooled, she knows EXACTLY that this IS the girl you used to hang out with.

You will then, thinking you are such a good/honest man by saying: "Yes, we used to a very long time ago."
She will then, very casually reply, almost with a hint of a smile and carelessness:
" guys used to sleep together right?"

This is where all you men transform yourselves into straight-up MORONS.

You will then do this retarded calculation of:
- TELLING THE TRUTH, and then maybe facing an hour or two of cold-shoulder/detailed questions, (created by the fact that all girls have to physically digest the idea of our men sleeping and kissing another girl, even in the past)
- LYING and having a good evening. (in your very naïve heads)

See, the first option is a little more annoying at first, we'll give you that. But after these 2 hours, all will be ok and back to normal. Seriously.

Now here is what will happen next:
You will of course choose the second option. The Option of the Champion as i like to call it.

You: "No, never, she's just a friend."
Her: "Really? Never? not even once?" (your last chance to tell the truth)
You: "No."
Her: " Funny 'cause i found "XYZ" in your phone/Facebook/heard-from-a-friend, while i was on your computer doing my emails."

You have to understand that she KNEW the answer BEFORE she even asked you. What she did was she wanted to know if your were going to tell her the truth. Which you, of course, didn't.

And then, you will:
- either get mad at the fact that she found it (reversing the situation and the problem on her. You are right to get mad if she did sneak into your things, but it is very easy to find these things out WITHOUT going through your man's things, FYI)
- or try to JUSTIFY your lie.
This is both pathetic and insulting. Just say you were wrong to lie and DON'T justify it. The more you try to justify yourself, the less she will EVER trust you again. Because the "justifying why i lied" really just sounds like "i'm not sorry, i' just sorry i was caught".

Keep it nice and SHORT. You lied, you were wrong.

Congratulations: you have now broken the sacred link of "trust" in a couple. The ingredient that keeps your relationship solid and drama-proof.

Because we girls think in a simple way: if you can lie to our face once, you can lie anytime.
So then EVERYTHING can become questionable. And the more insecure a girl is, the more drama you will then face.
And this is not just Hell on Earth for you: it is for the girl as well.

You need to understand:
Girls are natural detectives (most of us are). We like to know about the girls before. Just to have an idea, and sometimes to (in a very stupid/insecure way) compare ourselves to the exes. We KNOW who they are, and most of the time, we know their Instagram, their BFFs' Instagram and their Facebook because we have checked it all at least once.

So please, for your sake and our sake: don't lie to us.

PS: i am not advocating these situations in any means. I personally don't do this as i believe these situations are immature and unnecessary. I believe truth, straight forward asking and answering is the best solution in every situation. I understand that my man has a past, as i have a past. That the present and potential common future is all that matters. But we all either been in it or heard it happen. And the truth is that i'm pretty sure i'm right about this in 90% of cases. So take this post as it stands to be: a heads-up if you find yourself in this situation. Not a justification or argumentation.