Monday, July 8, 2013

THE SEX PIC SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR MEN

Or How To Send A Sexy Pic To A Girl 101.

Alright... so this post is for all my modern sexting men out there. Before you say to yourself: this is absurd/ this is obvious, know that i am referring to things that were sent to me. I am not making anything up.
Listen up: sexting is an art.
Not a complicated nor an elitist art. But an art nevertheless. What i mean is that, just as "real life" foreplay, you can't just zip out you dick with a big smile and proudly say: "so? you wet?"
And just as "real life" foreplay, you gotta stay manly while seducing us. Thing is, as it is an image based thing (i am only referring to the sexy pics in this post) you will have to find a manly way to do a selfie.
Here the difficulties begin.
Now this is the main thing to remember: what is hot for a girl to do is not necessarily hot for a dude to do.
What turns us on is different and our bodies are different.

DO NOT do the duck-face lips or the "kiss" face. Not hot.
(the duck face is actually a NO NO even for girls, it is, and always has been ONLY acceptable for ducks to do. Remember that. And the kiss face can be cute, as a "goodnight sweet dreams/have a good day" kind of way but NOT as a "i wanna fuck you real bad right now" kind of way.)
DO NOT take pictures of your ass only. Unless your ass is REALLY SOMETHING SPECTACULAR, chances are, it is pretty average and the sight of it wont make us horny.
The fact that girls "always tell you you have a great ass" does not mean 1) It's true. 2) The image of it alone is sexy.
DO NOT send pictures of your abs if you do not have abs. Ridiculous.
DO NOT take male stripper poses. They are gay. Even for strippers.
Examples: anything 3/4 with flexed arms, anything Justin Bieber would do, anything too posed, anything with one arm up and flexed behind your neck, anything without both feet flat on the ground.
DO NOT take a naked pic in front of your dirty underwear and garbage on the floor. Or infront of an open toilet. Yuck. Cleanliness is hot. Remember that.
DO NOT send a pic of you dick soft. It's ugly and the reality is that what makes us wet is the idea of your excitement for us.
DO NOT send us recycled pics. We want our own hard dick of the moment. We want the thought of us to make it hard. Again, we are not like you: it is not the image alone that tuns us on, it is the power and thought that does.
Plus that's just a turn off and a little insulting.
DO not send us your glorious dick as a close-up after 2 erotic texts. Wait a few more texts. (cause after that: what?)
DO NOT send us a pic you haven't properly looked at before sending. If you don't find yourself hot/manly in it, there is a 200% chance we won't. (i am referring to the slouchy looking, weird face, standing funny pics)

Now...
DO send us thoughts with them, dirty envies and x-rated motivations.
DO send us an evolution-type timeline of your excitement visually. (not all at once right away)
DO send us different views of your cock. Under, over, profile... make us travel around it like we where there.
DO use the camera angle to make your dick look more glorious, girls do that all the time with their butts, so it's only fair-game. (plus it's a fantasy, it's ok)
DO send us videos or you touching yourself for us. It's hot. Especially if we can hear you breath and dirty talk.
I think i've covered the most of it.
Ladies, if I forgot anything, please let me know and we will make this list more and more useful to men and ourselves.
As this is all about making us wet and happy.