Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Why Must I Choose?

Though we live in a modern, more female-friendly world, I sometimes feel like we still hold onto some prehistoric notions about women.

As a child and growing up, I was encouraged to use my brain. I'd even get gold stars, ice cream, trips to an amusement park the more I used it.

I was applauded for using my heart, embracing others, showing compassion and understanding for my fellow man. The more I used my heart, the more I was welcomed by others.

But when I decided to use my other, specifically feminine organ, I ran into problems.

I received judgement, name-calling and I was shamed by those who I considered dear to me. Overall, I was urged to never discuss such matters in an open and frank manner. I became confused. Why was I allowed to enjoy all my other "organs", but not this one?!

Surely using my brain and heart helps me grow the more I use it. It is considered unhealthy to stifle the use of such things by society, wouldn't the same apply to my box?

I began seeing it everywhere. Tons of mainstream porn was geared to the average male, showcasing some seriously ugly dudes. Cosmo told me 500 ways to please my man. Late at night, I'd see 1-900 numbers for saucy sexy ladies. What about MY sexuality? Why wasn't I entitled to feel pleasure and explore and why wasn't the mainstream market of sex considering me?

I hear it a lot from women "I'm waiting for the right guy.", "sex is the most intimate act, I don't just throw it around. It's special.", "without emotional connection, sex is meaningless and objectifying.", "If you love sex that much, there's something wrong with you."etc. Let me tell you: This is an utter lie. Sex has many meanings. There is no hierarchy with emotional sex being at the top. I have had fantastic sex with total strangers and terrible sex with people I've loved. They are two separate things. When a woman is having sex for her own pleasure without harming others, she need'nt worry about an "end goal". Because as we all know, there is no finish line in life, no complete safeties, no guarantees of happiness no matter how much you plan.

With all the reasons women tell themselves that emotional sex is the best, can you imagine applying such logic for using your brain and heart?

Try it. Envision a world where you were told not to use your brain. Stay away from solving math problems. Don't you even dare come up with a scientific theory! You may make someone else feel stupid! You could answer equation wrong! Then what will people think??? You're better off not using it at all! Plus, using it too much would make you look like a smartypants. If you HAVE to use it, for god sakes, don't enjoy it. Try to pretend you don't like it and don't know how to do it very well.
Sound stupid? That's because it is.

So now I wonder what kind of bullshit have we been swallowing all this time.

Sure, women are far more sexual these days than ever before, but that "freedom" comes with serious limitations. I feel like we are only allowed to BE sexual when it pleases others. The moment we choose to be sexual for our own satisfaction, we are deemed selfish, unruly, "asking for it", or fucking for self-esteem. So we walk this thin line, enjoying some sexuality, but only by the permission of others. And THAT, my friends, is the real problem.

It's time we women consider what this fed message of sexuality means to us. How it's packaged. How it's communicated. I'm not suggesting that every woman go out and gang bang the world, but perhaps we need to take a second to question how a woman can lose all brains, heart, personality, and soul, the moment she decides to use her box.

Sex is neither good nor bad. It is a thing. A thing that is part of all of us. If we choose to deem it as something gratifying only within the confines of a deeply emotional relationship, will lose out on a GREAT opportunity to better know and love ourselves.

So enjoy all kinds of sex, whether it is emotionally connected or not. Jump someone's bones or take your time to get to know that person. Go at a pace that satisfies YOU above anyone else. Because ultimately, anyone can call you a worthless whore, but it's up to you whether you want to agree with that or not.

Happy fucking ladies.