Thursday, September 1, 2016


"Good morning! And how are you today?" He goes. 
"Great, thank you" I answer as i step into my usual coffee shop. "Fucking frustrated!" I think so lound in my head, i fear someone actually heard my thought.
And as i walk outside to the terrasse to sit and drink my first warm thing to enter my body since yesterday's date, i discretely stare at every man there, wondering if, them too, make their partners so fucking sexually frustrated.
Probably not. As this is the very first time in my life I actually have to say "I would like to actually have sex" or "can we make out"
Ya. This man i have been seing is starting to drive me nuts. It's like he keeps wanting to be closer but keeps teasing me with sexualy and physical attention. I have to ask for it. I always have to start it. And he always makes me feel like some-kind of nympho. And i am no nympho. I love sex, but not to a medically diagnosed level. I mean, in 4 months we only had sex 5 times. FIVE TIMES. That would give me a big 15 times in a year if we continue on this road. LUCKY FUCKING ME. 
I hate not feeling desired. But every time I decide to stop seeing him, he seems to get into a reality check panic mode and changes drastically. Make up your mind dude. Let me also say that i am no dirty, smelly, unattractive or socially dependent girl. Quite the opposite and i really do have a real choice of men that would LOVE to be with me or just fuck me if that's all they could get. 
And the worst thing is, this guy really likes kissing me, and loves fucking me. But it's like he is playing some-kind of young virgin game, in order to have me be more serious or something. Like he told me the other day "why do we always have to have sex when we see each other, can't we chill? I miss hanging out and going to eat and stuff." 
Dude, want to go eat, fucking take me out. 
And sex is not somesort of bonus cookie you give someone as a sometimes reward in a relationship, sex is the most intimate form of being with someone, of experiencing someone's presence and energy, it is intense, sharing and beautiful. 
I guess if he doesn't get that, then i need to find someone that does. 
I need another coffee.